Satire

The Death of Summer and You

It’s gone. Happiness, pure freedom, plentiful hours of sleep and the stress-free state of mind otherwise known as summer. The days you could stay up late, guilt-free on a Tuesday are now dead and spending nine hours a day in the sun is called skipping school.

Here at the Paw Print, instead of living in the past, we look towards the future. Nine months can seem like an eternity when they are accompanied by homework, final exams, and black slushy snow that gets in your shoes while walking to school.

So, the Paw Print has decided to help you push through this emotional turmoil by bringing you eight fairly helpful ways to cope with school getting into full swing:

1. Don’t think about it. It’s as simple as that. Get off your sad, sorry behind and grow up. School happens, and it’s a fact of life. Crying about school starting is something third graders look down upon, so man/woman up and do your homework.

2. Make a count down! Although the notion of making a countdown when you still have 240+ days of the school year left may be a little daunting and reignite your debilitating desire for summer to come back, the numbers will always go down! And if they go up on your countdown, you probably need to be in school anyways.

3. Go to therapy. Pay someone to tell you over and over again that summer will come back. Eventually you will realize that what they are saying is obvious, and you are paying them something that you already know will happen in time. Reinforcing in your mind that summer will come back through repetition and extreme financial loss is a sure way to make yourself feel better!

4. Don’t look at pictures of your summer. Especially if it’s cold out. Your gloom will return, and you will back to square one.

5. Don’t dress in playful, summer attire even if it is warm out. Dressing like you’re going to the beach when really you are going to a math test is disheartening at best. Instead of fun in the sun, your future holds geometry in Room 212.

6. Move somewhere else, like Miami. Don’t go to school, live on the beach, and party every night! Whoop endless summer! Try that lifestyle for three weeks and see where you’re at. You will want school to come back.

7. Everyone likes the holidays; it’s a scientific fact. As summer is slowly suffocated by falling leaves and piles of homework, look towards the holiday season. Decorate your house early and make yet another countdown (for the holidays). The end of December is a long ways away, but it is a lot closer than Memorial Day.

8. You can do other things. There are parts of life other than summer. Think of Eskimos; they never get summer. No flip flops, no beach, no fireworks, no nothing. Just snow. So be thankful you don’t live there, I guess.

Micheal "Big Red" Mazurkiewicz '15 looks longingly towards warm weather and happiness

Micheal “Big Red” Mazurkiewicz ’15 looks longingly towards warm weather and happiness.

Categories: Satire

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