By Maya Agrawal, Contributor

In response to the increasingly excessive levels of makeup worn by students, Payton administration is currently making plans to prohibit wearing makeup in the building. This policy will extend to all students, teachers, and staff. When you walk into the door, one of the security guards will hand you a makeup wipe. They will require you to wipe your face and show it to them, clear of any color. If caught wearing anything on your face, you will be asked to return home and a violation of school conduct will appear on your record.

It is not uncommon for schools to have a no-makeup rule, mainly because it is believed to be a distraction. For the same reason, these schools typically also have dress codes. It has been made clear, however, that there still will not be a dress code at Payton. So what is the reason for this very specific war on self-expression?

Many students use makeup as a confidence booster. A senior stated, “I often use makeup on days when I feel like I need a bit of a boost. Sometimes I just need to cover a pimple or I have [extra] time in the morning to use.” 

Sophomore Julia Wang added, “I love the feeling of getting ready every morning.” Regarding the new policy, she felt “it’s not fair for [the school] to tell the students what they can or can’t wear. Also makeup doesn’t affect anyone except the wearer so I [don’t] really understand why they would do that.” 

A recent study conducted by American Institutes for Research (AIR) found that spilling makeup can cause toxic chemicals to seep through vents and into the communal atmosphere. This seems to be a worsening problem, with the cosmetic industry growing by 3.8% each year, according to AIR. This may explain the new policy targeting makeup; cosmetics could be the leading cause of dangerous toxins, while bright sequins and crop tops do not directly affect people’s health. 

Unfortunately, consequences will follow this new rule, such as limited self expression, student anger, and lower self-esteem. Are these risks worth it, for a safer environment? We will see, as the new rule is set to be officially announced tomorrow and implemented starting May 1.

This article is satire.